I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
