I want to have your abortion
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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