whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
