oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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