I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
