she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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