Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I deserve this hangover.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
