Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
