chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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