I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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