Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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