I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
