Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
