I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
