I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
