i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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