my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The best revenge is premature balding
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
