hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
