Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
