you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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