i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
