dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
