he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
