Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
