Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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