she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's like iHOP with fire
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
