Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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