Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
