Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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