my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
