Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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