Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
