Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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