Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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