i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
