I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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