I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize