Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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