Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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