the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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