I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
