I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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