dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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