My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
