Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
