im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
