He uses pillows to masturbate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
