used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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