So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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