someone get that fucking seahorse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
