oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was born a porn star she said
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
