How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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