Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
