i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
