i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
