Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
