And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
