The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So. Much. Porn.
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