This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
