He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I could fuck to npr.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
