His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
