mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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