so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
