she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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