I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
