You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
