thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
