You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
