and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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