Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize