btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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