He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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