you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
