I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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