If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
