You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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