Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have demons in me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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