Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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