What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
