Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
