so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
