I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
