I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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