In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
