You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
