he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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