Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
