glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
