I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
two words: eviction party
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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